Howdy! Thanks for checking out my blog. Spring has really sprung where I am. I am so happy. That means summer is right around the corner. Don’t tell my teachers, but I kind of can’t wait for summer vacation. I am more than ready for school to be over. Why, might you ask? Well, truth be told, I’m just a little tired of everything and everyone. This year has been a pretty tough one for me, and I could use a break. It’s too bad I’ll still have five more years of school to go before college.
Recently, I did something that I wish I could undo. I was hanging out with Devi and Autumn, two of my old friends, the other day. I hadn’t seen them both in a long time, and I was kind of…well…a bit of a blabbermouth. I was a little too honest with them about some of the people we knew. Some may call that gossiping, but I’d prefer to call it “oversharing.” As far as I know, neither Devi nor Autumn said anything to anyone, but I learned a big life lesson from the experience: there’s a difference between healthy conversations and harmful talk. Gossip can sometimes lead to exclusion, hurt feelings, or damaged friendships. Even worse, people might end up not trusting you because they fear you may gossip about them someday. In my case, I’m hoping nothing will come from whatever it was that I said. But if I can give you some advice, don’t be a gossip girl (or guy).
Let me tell you my story…
The best laid plans…
Because of our sports and after-school schedules, it had been nearly impossible to get a date on the calendar with Devi, Autumn, and me this school year. I knew that Devi and Autumn had hung out a couple of times together, but we never could find a date for the three of us. Until this past weekend. I was so excited to see them. Though frankly, I was a little worried that we might not have a ton to talk about since I hadn’t seen them in so long. Devi now goes to a different school, and Autumn isn’t in any of my classes this year. So, yeah, I was a little nervous.
But last Sunday afternoon, we decided to meet at our favorite pizza place. I got to the restaurant first, and Devi arrived soon after.
“What’s the scoop, Noodle?” Devi asked when she sat down. There were a ton of things I wanted to tell Devi about. So much so, that I didn’t give much thought to what I was saying. I gave updates on all the people we knew in common, and yes, complained a little bit about some of the teachers Devi knew.
Then Autumn joined us. She, too, had a lot she wanted to talk about, though mostly with Devi. When I was able to finally rejoin the conversation, I somehow became a full-on gossip girl.
It was like my mouth had a mind of its own, and my mind was, well, out to lunch.
Running my mouth
In my defense, both Devi and Autumn seemed to be totally into what I was saying. They asked me a bunch of questions, and I spouted off plenty of answers. As in, I said the first thing that came into my head. I was just so excited to be with them. Plus, I kind of enjoyed being the center of attention. I wasn’t really thinking about whether I should be sharing some of the information that came into my head and then went right out of my mouth.
I know Devi and Autumn are friends who can be trusted. But, what if I made a misstep and said something about someone that they were close to? Or, maybe in one of my gossip girl ramblings, I had said some juicy information, and then Devi or Autumn shared it with someone else? I’m not usually the source of juicy information, but who knows what they might have found interesting and then repeated it?
After we said our goodbyes and agreed to meet up again soon, I immediately felt guilty about how I’d behaved.
On the plus side, I’m fairly certain I didn’t say anything that had offended Devi or Autumn. So, it’s not like I owed them an apology for anything. I just felt bad about how I had acted.
But what was I supposed to do to make up for having loose lips when there didn’t seem to be any wronged party?
Word to the wise
My first stop whenever I need “kid” advice is usually my big sister, Jill. She’s in high school and surely knows a thing or two about being a gossip girl.
“Oh, Noodle. Who hasn’t gossiped?” was the first thing Jill said after I’d told her what happened.
“I know. I guess I’m feeling bad because I’m worried I may have gone a little overboard. I really wanted to bond with Devi and Autumn since we hadn’t seen each other in a long time. Talking about the people we knew, whether they were kids or teachers, really seemed to help us ‘click’ together again.” I shrugged and looked at Jill, waiting to hear her wisdom.
“I’m no expert, Noodle, but I’ll channel Mom here for a second: do you think talking to your friends about what other people have done is really about something more? Like, maybe it was about trying to fit in? Or perhaps figuring something out about yourself?” Boy, Jill really seemed to know about kids and their behavior. Maybe she could do that for a living someday.
“I suppose. I mean, I guess I didn’t want to feel left out since Devi and Autumn were closer to each other than I was with them. I suppose being the gossip girl was my way of fitting in. But, gosh, it just didn’t feel great after the fact.”
“It sounds like the next time you share information, you may need to develop a filter…to sort out what helpful sharing is and what might actually be harmful talk. Anyway, I have homework that’s due tomorrow, so I’m going to need you to leave my room.” With that, Jill shooed me out the door. It would’ve been nice to end things with a hug or something to give our sisterly conversation closure. (OK, fine. Who am I kidding? Jill and I aren’t really like that.)
Light as a feather
It’s too bad I couldn’t have a do-over of my lunch with Devi and Autumn. I would’ve tried not to be so self-conscious about our friendship. I mean, we’ve been friendly since we were in kindergarten. Surely our friendship has proven that it can survive whether we see each other every single day or just once a year.
As I sat on my bed and thought about what else I could’ve done differently, I remembered a story our school librarian read to us a few years ago. I think it was from a book called “The Book of Virtues.” Whatever the book’s name, I recall how the librarian told us, “Spreading gossip is like fluffing up a pillow and letting the feathers fly away in the wind. Once they’re carried away, you can chase after them, but you’ll never be able to gather them all back.” Or something like that. But it’s true. When I was in gossip girl mode, the feathers of my blabbering got carried away in the wind, and they couldn’t be collected back.
I know it’s human nature to vent about things every now and again. But you should be mindful of whether your words may be harmful to others. And even if they aren’t, you definitely don’t need to go overboard like I did.
So, if you’re feeling uncomfortable in a situation, your go-to move shouldn’t be to become a gossip girl as I did. There are other ways to create connections or share your thoughts.
My default should’ve been to tell a story about some observation I’d had and, of course, make it funny. After all, a famous author* once wrote that laughter is irresistibly contagious. (But I think he meant that as a good thing, not in a spreading germs kind of way.)
Until next time, be your best you.
*P.S., If you’re wondering, the famous author is Charles Dickens.
Do you have any stories about learning an important lesson from an experience? Please share with them me in the comments section!
