Hi, and thanks for checking out my blog! For this month’s blog, I want to talk about friendship. (Friendship is also a theme that my favorite author, Steph Katzovi, writes a lot about in her books.) I’ve read that having close friends, the go-to people who you can trust, is important for a lot of health reasons. Sure, it’s nice to have amazing parents (thank you, Mom and Dad!), but sometimes, you’d rather be with your friends. And even though I’m not an expert, I know that having strong relationships, even if it’s with just a few people, is a big part of the growing up process. In other words, the quality of your friends is more valuable than the quality.
I recently had an experience with my friend, Tracy, where I said something as a joke—a comment that wasn’t meant to be shared—but it ended up getting passed on. And it made me really mad. Not only did it make me look bad, but I also accidentally seemed to be insulting a person who wasn’t in on the joke.
It nearly caused a huge disaster, and made me realize an important life lesson: If you don’t want information repeated—even if it’s said in jest—you shouldn’t say it in the first place. Only share what you do not mind other people hearing. As I learned the hard way, you can make a real mess by spilling the beans.
Here’s what happened…
Rumor has it
I’ve written previous blogs about my friend Tracy. She and I are extremely close, and I can tell her anything. At least I could until this most recent incident. You see, Tracy is on a dance squad outside of school. One of her teammates is a girl named Lainey Mae, whom I’ve never met. While Tracy and I attend Great Falls Junior High, Lainey Mae goes to a different school called Crestview Academy. Technically, Crestview Academy is a competitor to Great Falls, but according to Tracy, there aren’t any school rivalries on the dance squad.
Now that you have the background, let me share the story. So, Lainey Mae apparently told the dance squad she couldn’t go to their dance competition because there was a conflict with Crestview’s Robotics competition the next weekend. Tracy was upset because Lainey Mae is one of their squad’s best dancers. It just so happens that Daria, a friend from my travel soccer team, goes to Crestview with Lainey Mae. While we were doing our warm-ups at soccer practice one afternoon, I mentioned to Daria that Lainey Mae was missing a dance contest because of the Robotics competition.
“I’m not on the Robotics Team or anything, Noodle, but I’m pretty sure that their competition is in two weeks,” Daria said. Well, that certainly was interesting information. And different from what Lainey Mae told Tracy and the dance squad.
I assumed Daria knew what she was talking about; why would she make it up? It was only natural for me to conclude that Lainey Mae may have been lying. So, I thought I’d tell Tracy what I’d heard. Little did I know what a mess I’d cause by spilling the beans.
Stepping on someone’s toes
Without giving the situation any thought, I said to Tracy, “Rumor has it that Crestview’s Robotics competition isn’t next weekend. Maybe Lainey Mae doesn’t want to go to your dance contest, so she made up the conflict. And now, she’s busted!” I totally wasn’t serious about Lainey Mae faking a conflict. I didn’t know Lainey Mae at all, and I definitely didn’t know Crestview Academy’s events calendar. In fact, when I made the remark, I was just trying to be funny.
Turns out, Tracy didn’t see my comment as a joke.
“That’s so not cool, Noodle. I’m going to talk to Lainey Mae about this,” Tracy said. Oh no! I really stepped in it. I have nothing against Tracy’s dance squad, the Crestview Robotics Team, or Lainey Mae. I mean, I didn’t know a thing about Lainey Mae other than that she has a unique-sounding name. I didn’t mean to stick my nose into anyone’s business. And now, I’d set Tracy off.
“Tracy, no. You don’t need to say anything. It was just a careless comment on my part. I don’t know what I was talking about. Seriously. Just forget it. I don’t want to create problems with you and Lainey Mae.” Tracy shook her head no. My spilling the beans had just caused a serious mess.
“I can’t unhear what your friend Daria said about the Robotics competition. And if Lainey Mae is lying, I’d like to know. We need to trust each other on the dance squad.” Even though I protested a few more times, Tracy wasn’t backing down.
Dancing around the issue
Ugh! By spilling the beans with a foolish comment, I’d accidentally made things worse. I wish I’d never said anything to Daria during soccer practice. I also wish Tracy hadn’t gone to Lainey Mae with the information I’d heard from Daria. I’d just made a silly remark without thinking about the consequences. Worst of all, I found out later that Daria was the one with the wrong dates.
I realized too late that I really had myself to blame for the mess. Well, mostly. I put Tracy in a bad position by spreading Daria’s information—which, unfortunately, turned out to be incorrect.
As someone who loves writing, I probably need to edit myself better in the future. I shouldn’t go around spilling the beans if I don’t want that information spread.
I also need to be clearer in creating boundaries before I share something potentially sensitive, like “This stays between us” or “Can I trust you to keep this to yourself?” Basically, I need to be more careful about what I say anytime I am about to open my mouth.
Mum’s the word
While my experience with spilling the beans turned into a bit of a mess, there are a few bright spots to share. Over the “conflicting events” weekend, Tracy’s dance squad won the dance contest without Lainey Mae, and Crestview Academy won its Robotics competition with Lainey Mae.
I’m especially grateful to Tracy, who, apparently, was more careful with her words than I was. When Tracy spoke to Lainey Mae, she didn’t accuse Lainey Mae of wrongdoing. Instead, Tracy just asked her for clarification. Turns out, Lainey Mae didn’t get defensive and had no problem showing Tracy the Crestview calendar.
But I now know I didn’t do myself any favors by sharing second-hand information that wasn’t mine to share in the first place. So, from here on out, I’m going to keep my nose out of other people’s business. I’m also going to stick to making jokes in a way that I know I’m good at: writing them down on paper.
Until next time, be your best you.
Do you have any stories about learning an important lesson from an experience? Please share them with me in the comments section!
